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 Where Self-Love & Healing, is always fashionable and in style...



MOVING on, or NAH?

Posted on July 31, 2014 at 1:25 PM

Ending a romantic relationship can be a process.... Moving on can be even harder! And its easy to tell someone to, "Let it Go" or "Get Over it", but its very difficult to give them instructions on how to.... 


August, of 2011, I fell in love, after being single for about 8 years.  Though I initially fought it, I eventually opened myself up to love, and ALL that it had to offer! Moreover,  I THREW CAUTION TO THE WIND, and took a chance on companionship, togetherness, commitment, and compromise... For a time, it was good!!!! Of course the Honeymoon Phase, ran its course... and after about a year, the relationship began to expire.  This became evident when, simple tasks for myself, and partner, became Adventurous Feats to accomplish! Meaning, affective communication was lacking, HONESTY, BECAME A STRUGGLE, as well as FIDELITY!!!  However, me being a fighter, I held on... In fact, I held on for so long, the negative in my relationship became a normal thing.  I failed to realize, my relationship was over; and I was too frightened to let go!  Despite the arguments and consistent break-up's, there was a HOPEFUL side of me, that remembered the great times, and my goal was to reestablish the love and recreate that original feeling... CLEARLY I FAILED!


My HOPEFULNESS, created a severe amount of stress, which later developed into Anxiety, resulting in hair loss, then tons insecurities!!! I WAS AN EMOTIONAL TRAIN WRECK!!! Still holding on to someone, who had already let go… I thought if I held on, my “ex” would realize my love was strong and begin to change… I WAS WRONG!!!! After months, of the back and fourth, circumstance broke us apart… and though, I wasn't prepared for the ending… a part of me still wanted to mend…


As a result, I became a glutton for being misused, mistreated, blatantly disrespected and toyed with… Parts of my natural reasoning became comprised due to being HOPEFUL and Desperate! I often asked myself, “what happened to me?” “What am I hoping for”… Honestly, I knew the answer, I guess, the thought of companionship kept me blind!


Because of my own inability to see the truth, I maintained pictures of us in my cell phone’s gallery, and refused to move them into a dropbox file or delete them… I also remained “Friends” on Facebook, checking their page often, even looking through the profiles of anyone who may have liked a picture or status of theirs…. Moreover, I became somewhat of a “Stalker”, refusing to let go of the past, and unable to see myself without this person…. Though it was obvious we weren't together, I still conducted myself as if we were… Calling (Getting No Answer), Texting (Getting No Reply Back), Refusing to connect myself with anyone else, as well as, blatantly lying to other’s about my “ Loving Relationship”… I did this for months!!!!! Until my self-worth was in the garbage… My Resiliency was Damaged… Until, a Dear Friend, sat me down… and nicely, told me the hard truth….


I was creating my own emotional anguish, by chasing someone who dismissed me long ago…


I failed to understand someones actions, and how they treat you, is a direct reflection as to how they see you…


I was being loyal to something that, did not consider me worth the same stance…


I was tormenting myself, with my own expectations, and blaming my ex for not meeting those expectations…


I became a desperate being, not seeing my own worth, and how my light is bright and beautiful too…


I had become a lifeless being, living in the moment of pain, disappointment and hurt… and not recognizing the lessons….


I lost the love for myself, and exchange it for the desire, to experience love from someone else…



I had to be honest with myself… and listen to the actions of the other person, and not words… I had to create my own timeline of when my relationship went bad, and recognize my efforts weren't in vein to fix it… I had to forgive myself for negating my needs, and hurting myself and ego.. I had to WELCOME POSITIVITY IN MY LIFE… I HAD TO GET ME SOME BUSINESS AND DEVELOP MYSELF AS A MAN IN HIS MID 30’S, and realize I'm still growing up and changing… I HAD TO LAUGH MORE, EXPLORE MORE, PRAY MORE, and let people be good to me…

I had to release those reminders… Pictures, Old Text Messages, Gifts, etc. to lead myself in the path of healing… i HAD TO LEARN TO RELEASE, THOSE THINGS WHICH KEPT ME IN THE PLACE OF HOLDING ON… and deal with me!!!!

Though I had moments, and urges to call, as well as feelings of sadness, and regret, those feelings would eventually subside… and I realized:

Its ok, to think about your ex… To have concerns for them, to desire to speak with him or her… Even to be curious about their love life!!! However, its not ok!!!, to burry yourself in hurt and pain of a failed relationship… Its not ok!!!, to put your life on hold, trying to fix something, thats been broken!

Its OK, to love yourself again… and its DEFINITELY OK TO MOVE ON!


©2014, Joseph Dewan Williams


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