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 Where Self-Love & Healing, is always fashionable and in style...



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To Anybody whose been Victimized by a CHEATER...

Posted on October 11, 2014 at 10:40 PM Comments comments (738)

This is for anyone who has been cheated on, or had a lack of trust in their relationship... Please LIKE, SHARE, or COMMENT!!!! Also, asked yourself, "IS IT WORTH IT?" ( MUST WATCH) THE MISUNDERSTOOD SOCIAL WORKER-Quick Note on CHEATERS!!!!!

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-The Misunderstod Social Worker-

DeProgramming Pain

Posted on August 7, 2014 at 12:45 AM



Deprogramming Definition: to retrain, as for the purpose of eliminating or replacing a learned or acquired behavior pattern or habit that is undesirable or unsuitable.

Far too often, we endure the fetters of horrible relationship; and, attempt to find resolve with the other person. But after all attempts have been made, the relationship ends, and you’'re left with emotional anguish, baggage, and woes that you could possibly carry over into your next relationship….

Its so easy to become a reflection of your past, and eventually develop a form of, “Unofficial Post Traumatic Stress”, directly resulting from what you may have put up with in your former relationship…



You may have been, a consenting “SIDE PIECE”…. 

You may have endured years of emotional/physical abuse from a partner…

You may have caught your partner cheating in your home, and decided to forgive him or her and remain in the relationship; only for it to happen again…

You could have been in love, and thought it was good, only to have your partner disappear for months… only to return and blame you for his or her exit….

Or you may have dated a Pitiful Liar who lead you on, even to the end of your relationship…


The list goes on and on… But the important question, in each of these, and other scenarios is, “How do you heal from what happened to you?” REMEMBER: NEGATIVE thought patterns, CAN LEAD TO A PATTERN OF NEGATIVE ACTIONS….


Memories can haunt us, our pasts can affect ALL future choices… And, our thoughts can influence our emotions… Recognizing this truth, can be the first step towards HEALING… More importantly, carrying emotional baggage into new and existing situations is almost inevitable… But Changing your way of thinking, can influence positive emotions and guide you to FOREVER RESOLVE and HEALING…


WE ARE FRAGILE FLAMES… and individuals who can connect with their emotions, tend to stain easily. And to fix yourself, seems like a long road of recovery. However, how do you get there? CHANGE YOUR THINKING! But also be honest with yourself!!!


Learn to interpret what happened to you, in that former relationship AS A LESSON LEARNED… Though, sometimes you can see yourself as undeserving of what happened; however, the development of strength and wisdom is the ultimate Gift of Resolve!


FORGIVE YOURSELF, for enduring such a negative situation, and your desire to try and fix the problem, instead of walking away… Remember, ALL reason’s for holding on, made sense to you at the time, despite advice from friends and family. Embrace the fact that, you tried! Also, keep track of what creates the negative thoughts and feelings…


It’s ok to take a break from relationships for a while… Use that time to rid yourself of ALL that hurt you… Possibly keep a journal… Writing is a good way to release… Music, Art, Expression, Affirmations, Surround yourself with people who love you… And have someone that you can safely talk to about your feelings, and where you are with your healing… these things will only work if you let them.


Most importantly, you want to get to a place where you're not carrying bad things into your next relationship…. Trust me, its work to not be reminded of the past; but your reaction to it, is all that matters! Attempt to reverse Anger, Sadness and Frustration into, Happiness, Security, and Peace of Mind!



Realize, this is on going work! And if you have the will to change, You've already secured your position towards, Healing!!!



©2014, Joseph Dewan Williams



MOVING on, or NAH?

Posted on July 31, 2014 at 1:25 PM

Ending a romantic relationship can be a process.... Moving on can be even harder! And its easy to tell someone to, "Let it Go" or "Get Over it", but its very difficult to give them instructions on how to.... 


August, of 2011, I fell in love, after being single for about 8 years.  Though I initially fought it, I eventually opened myself up to love, and ALL that it had to offer! Moreover,  I THREW CAUTION TO THE WIND, and took a chance on companionship, togetherness, commitment, and compromise... For a time, it was good!!!! Of course the Honeymoon Phase, ran its course... and after about a year, the relationship began to expire.  This became evident when, simple tasks for myself, and partner, became Adventurous Feats to accomplish! Meaning, affective communication was lacking, HONESTY, BECAME A STRUGGLE, as well as FIDELITY!!!  However, me being a fighter, I held on... In fact, I held on for so long, the negative in my relationship became a normal thing.  I failed to realize, my relationship was over; and I was too frightened to let go!  Despite the arguments and consistent break-up's, there was a HOPEFUL side of me, that remembered the great times, and my goal was to reestablish the love and recreate that original feeling... CLEARLY I FAILED!


My HOPEFULNESS, created a severe amount of stress, which later developed into Anxiety, resulting in hair loss, then tons insecurities!!! I WAS AN EMOTIONAL TRAIN WRECK!!! Still holding on to someone, who had already let go… I thought if I held on, my “ex” would realize my love was strong and begin to change… I WAS WRONG!!!! After months, of the back and fourth, circumstance broke us apart… and though, I wasn't prepared for the ending… a part of me still wanted to mend…


As a result, I became a glutton for being misused, mistreated, blatantly disrespected and toyed with… Parts of my natural reasoning became comprised due to being HOPEFUL and Desperate! I often asked myself, “what happened to me?” “What am I hoping for”… Honestly, I knew the answer, I guess, the thought of companionship kept me blind!


Because of my own inability to see the truth, I maintained pictures of us in my cell phone’s gallery, and refused to move them into a dropbox file or delete them… I also remained “Friends” on Facebook, checking their page often, even looking through the profiles of anyone who may have liked a picture or status of theirs…. Moreover, I became somewhat of a “Stalker”, refusing to let go of the past, and unable to see myself without this person…. Though it was obvious we weren't together, I still conducted myself as if we were… Calling (Getting No Answer), Texting (Getting No Reply Back), Refusing to connect myself with anyone else, as well as, blatantly lying to other’s about my “ Loving Relationship”… I did this for months!!!!! Until my self-worth was in the garbage… My Resiliency was Damaged… Until, a Dear Friend, sat me down… and nicely, told me the hard truth….


I was creating my own emotional anguish, by chasing someone who dismissed me long ago…


I failed to understand someones actions, and how they treat you, is a direct reflection as to how they see you…


I was being loyal to something that, did not consider me worth the same stance…


I was tormenting myself, with my own expectations, and blaming my ex for not meeting those expectations…


I became a desperate being, not seeing my own worth, and how my light is bright and beautiful too…


I had become a lifeless being, living in the moment of pain, disappointment and hurt… and not recognizing the lessons….


I lost the love for myself, and exchange it for the desire, to experience love from someone else…



I had to be honest with myself… and listen to the actions of the other person, and not words… I had to create my own timeline of when my relationship went bad, and recognize my efforts weren't in vein to fix it… I had to forgive myself for negating my needs, and hurting myself and ego.. I had to WELCOME POSITIVITY IN MY LIFE… I HAD TO GET ME SOME BUSINESS AND DEVELOP MYSELF AS A MAN IN HIS MID 30’S, and realize I'm still growing up and changing… I HAD TO LAUGH MORE, EXPLORE MORE, PRAY MORE, and let people be good to me…

I had to release those reminders… Pictures, Old Text Messages, Gifts, etc. to lead myself in the path of healing… i HAD TO LEARN TO RELEASE, THOSE THINGS WHICH KEPT ME IN THE PLACE OF HOLDING ON… and deal with me!!!!

Though I had moments, and urges to call, as well as feelings of sadness, and regret, those feelings would eventually subside… and I realized:

Its ok, to think about your ex… To have concerns for them, to desire to speak with him or her… Even to be curious about their love life!!! However, its not ok!!!, to burry yourself in hurt and pain of a failed relationship… Its not ok!!!, to put your life on hold, trying to fix something, thats been broken!

Its OK, to love yourself again… and its DEFINITELY OK TO MOVE ON!


©2014, Joseph Dewan Williams


Lost & Found... And Lost....

Posted on July 24, 2014 at 11:55 AM Comments comments (167)
QUESTION: A Horrible Relationship, ended for you, months ago... But, you are still holding on to the memory of, WHAT WAS... and Why?

ANSWER: Familiarity!... Often times, we can become accustomed to certain way, and have a hard time, adjusting to a New Journey.  Furthermore, being mistreated in a relationship, and deciding to remain for the reason of, Hope and Loyalty, can further cripple your ability to see past your current situation... Lastly, you can become a slave to your own desires, and will further place yourself in a traumatic circumstance, that may take a while to heal from....  

QUESTION: So what do you do? How do you heal from this?

ANSWER/SUGGESTION: Find a SMALL PART of yourself, and LOVE IT BACK TO LIFE! Learn to embrace your failures, and appreciate all the lessons... Begin to explore the Core of Your Choices, and ask yourself, WHY?  It may be a bit, uncomfortable at first, but learn to always aknowledge your wrongs in the matter... Also, keep note of what went wrong, and how not to make the same mistake again... Try to learn you! Attempt to, FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU! Recognize where you are, in your healing process, and realize it takes time to be completely recovered... GET YOU SOME BUSINESS! Meaning, engage in meaningful, constructive, or rewarding activities! You'll find yourself, unbothered by the past,  or too past busy to care! LEARN TO LOVE YOU AGAIN!!! IN DOING SO, YOU'LL TRULY KNOW, HOW IT FEELS TO EXPERIENCE TRUE LOVE!! (p.s., the memories will come, the desire to call will come, the Facebook, or Social Media Urges to Search, will come... Avoid the negative patterns, which will take you back to a sad, angry or lonely place)  Tell yourself, EVERYDAY, this is a NEW CHAPTER in my Life!!!! Though you have no idea, whats coming... Throw Caution to the Wind... and Embrace the Unknow!!!! THE UNFAMILIAR CAN BE BEAUTIFUL TOO!!!! You may FIND YOURSELF there, BRAND NEW! -THE MISUNDERSTOOD SOCIAL WORKER-

© 2014, Joseph Dewan Williams


Posted on June 13, 2014 at 9:25 AM Comments comments (143)

Nothing you have endured is in vein! Nothing you've experienced is worthless.  All of your struggles, will lead you to greater victory, and pure destiny!!! Allow success to be in the forefront of your mind... and realize ALL great things, take time to develop!!!! ALL great things, need to plant themselves firmly from the root, so the branches can be big and wide... 

Despite the struggles which may await you... You have ALL you need to overcome, overtake, conquer, and destroy!!! 

Remember, FEAR is not REAL... its GOD's Favor, which surpasses all doubt... 



© 2014, Joseph D. Williams


Posted on May 3, 2014 at 2:20 PM Comments comments (347)

So, after countless nights of crying, questioning yourself, sleeplesslessness, loneliness, confusion, anxiety, sadness, anger, and bitterness; you slowly began to heal from heart break! While healing, you discovered a new and improved you! You began to understand what ended your relationship, as well as the mistakes you've made, and how to make better choices in the future!  You have begun to recognized the reality of your situation, and the relationship ending may not be such a bad thing!  At this point, you're taking it slow, and start to develop a hopefulness about your future, and a new love!  Though there may be a few raw emotions and questions lingering, especially if it ended badly or abrupt; but, you're getting through them...  You even began to understand your wants and desires in the next relationship, and how your now, "ex" couldn't meet those expectation.... 

then, OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!, your Ex calls or texts!, pouring his or her heart out! Saying EVERYTHING you wanted them to say before the relationship ended! Confessing the emptiness they've experienced since you've been gone!!, and how important you are to their lives! Your ex is even reasonable!, and comes with a level of compromise he or she couldn't muster before!  And appears to be asking for another chance!!!!, but this time, he or she is serious!  Then, the words, I LOVE YOU.... slip through the phone like air! or falls from the text message like nothing!  This time, it seems genuine!; this time, it seems real!; this time, he or she seems to have learned their lesson!  

...And you are, shocked!, taken aback, and perplexed!!!! A part of you becomes excited that he or she still wants you!, and is making an attempt to return! It feels slightly good, because, THE LOVE IS FAMILIAR; and being single or alone is foreign territory, and the uncertainty of that space, is not fun... THE GOOD MEMORIES come back to you, and you're reminded of every, beautiful, romantic, loving, or great moment you all had!  Furthermore, the issues that broke your relationship apart, are not as significant.  In fact, those issues went from a loud cry, to a whisper!... 

You, throw caution to the wind, and begin to entertain your "ex"!  Hoping for a better experience; planning for a better future; praying the past, is in the past, and that you two can work at building a better union!  The opinions of your friends and family don't matter; and they understand the complexity of love; and watch you return with slightly cautious, but opened arms... 

The sex is AWESOME, and familiar! The time spent is AWESOME, and familiar... The love, is AWESOME, and familiar...  You have a few regrets for abandoning your quest for self-love, and healing; but, you rationalize your decision to return by saying to yourself... "But, this is what I wanted from them"....

then, OUT OF NO WHERE!!!, the drama returns... whatever it was, which lead to the relationship ending, RETURNS... You are now flustered and frustrated... those moments of romance have now become infected with incompatibility.  You now began to reexperience all of the emotions which lead to the break up... But this time, feelings of embarrassment are present.  Despite the warning signs, and the great advice from friends and family to move on, you chose love... and those ugly parts of love slapped you in the face, again... 

And of course, the relationship is OVER!; and now you seem to have returned to the beginning stages of healing; all over again... those empty nights of questioning yourself, have returned.  But this time, they're worst!  This time, it feels like you've negated all the reasons to move on, and made "dumb" choice to fall back in...  You're too embarrassed to vent to your friends and family about your slip-up, so you feel alone... 






And exercise your, HOPEFULNESS

Last but not least, DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP! Instead, LOVE YOURSELF UP!!! HARD!!!


A NEW DAY, is another opportunity to, get things right, love on you, embark on a new path, and embarrass your future.....


(Thank you to Ms. Kia Oliver and Lina Robson for reminding me of my purpose!)

© 2014, Joseph D. Williams

Third Party Threesome!!!!

Posted on April 25, 2014 at 12:45 AM Comments comments (281)

Inviting a "FRIEND", as a third party to assist you, and your partner with your relationship problems, may not be a good idea! In fact, it could further threaten your union!  A mutual friend, personal friend, or family member may struggle with being impartial to your scenario!

Im not saying their advice isn't helpful; but its probably best to seek the assistance from someone outside of the both of you... A third party's job is to help, DISSOLVE or RESOLVE your relationship!  Not blame, take sides, or fuel conflict! 


© 2014, Joseph D. Williams

FIX IT!!!!!

Posted on April 23, 2014 at 10:40 PM Comments comments (188)




© 2014, Joseph D. Williams


Posted on April 19, 2014 at 5:25 AM Comments comments (147)

The Heart, we refer to when loving someone, is in our brains... So, dont lose your's, loving too hard!!!! 

© 2014, Joseph D. Williams

what about me??!!

Posted on April 18, 2014 at 5:15 PM Comments comments (979)

As an adult, we have dreams and aspirations. And often times, those same dreams and aspirations, can remain unaddressed as a result of being obligated to work, bills, maintaining your household or supporting your family.  Daily, we offer ourselves up to make someone else rich, only to receive the crumbs, we refer to as a paycheck!... Of course, MONEY is one the tangible keys to survival; however, ARE YOU FULFILLED? and is the juice worth the squeeze?

I completed my Masters Degree in Social Work, from Howard University in May of 2002.  I was 24-years-old, eager, idealistic, hopeful as well as focused on carving my own path in the Field of Social Work.  My first job, was with a community based organization in Washington DC, with a starting salary of $45,000 a year! At the time, you couldn't tell me nothing (of course that salary tripled several years later)! I was young a professional, with a goal.  

TO MY SURPRISE, my first job, and every job  after that, did not foster my creativity, authenticity, and out-of-the-box approach as clinician.  For years, I would offer, "ALL OF ME", to the job, only to have my methodologies questioned, be micromanaged or harassed by my superiors! Overtime, it became spiritually, and emotionally taxing.  I noticed that I struggled to wake up, Mondays through Fridays; and on weekends, my body rose effortlessly.  But why?  It was no secret!, My SOUL DESPERATELY ATTEMPTED TO AVOID, ANYTHING THAT WAS PHYSICALLY & EMOTIONALLY DRAINING.  Furthermore, I was working in a fear driven, numbers oriented, "Thankless" Profession called, Social Work; where the clients either admire, or hate you! and your colleagues seemed to be the ones needing "the help".

Moreover to have passion, skill, and a strong desire to help, can come off as "TOO MUCH" to your superiors, who are probably burned out, or threatened by your talents and abilities... THIS WAS MY STORY! So after many years of getting written up, quitting, or fired, I realized; SITTING UP ON A JOB, UNHAPPY AND STAYING BECAUSE YOU GOT BILLS, AINT FLY!  Furthermore, for me, it was crazy!   I had passion for writing, and a method of healing others, that I believed was stellar, and God Given! So after my last "Professional War" and losing battle, I asked myself the most serious questions... "WHAT DO YOU WANT? WHAT ARE YOUR PASSIONS? WHY ARE YOU SETTLING? WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS? WHAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY? WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF" My answers to those simple, yet penetrating questions were easy; however, the greatest task was getting there!


I began to EXPLORE MY GOALS... by writing them down, reading them to myself, and researching.  I became knowledgable of the avenues I could take, and how to get there!

I SET REALISTIC GOALS FOR MYSELF... every week, I either corresponded with someone associated with my chosen career path, accomplished a small task, or even obtained something tangible that would lead me in that direction.  I even created a vision board! And vowed to at least do this during the week, for at least 2 hours daily!  I told myself, if I'm gonna work for someone else, for 8 hours a day, then I can set some time aside for my own venture!

I SOUGHT A SMALL NETWORK OF SUPPORTERS... meaning, I discussed my goals and desires with, SAFE, SUPPORTIVE, PROACTIVE, PROGRESSIVE, & POSITIVE MINDED PEOPLE... Often times, we share our visions with the wrong people!, who may destroy, deflate, or deter you from your dreams! Those "negative" people may have influence in your life, and can often sway you away from what you want to do... That doesn't make them "bad people", just bad people to share your goals with... So, KEEP YOUR BUSINESS TO YOURSELF! 

GIVE YOURSELF A TIME FRAME... and in between that timeframe, you should have accomplished small tasks, which will lead to larger ones!

LITTLE BY LITTLE, you should do this daily... and find joy, happiness, peace and excitement in it!!!


Your personal goals will begin to matter to you, just as much as sustaining yourself at an unfulfilling job... Furthermore, if you're burnt out from work, dissatisfied with your career or frustrated, you will have created an escape path that will become clearer and more fulfilling each day! Your own goals will be important!, and attempting them will be in the forefront of your existence! REMEMBER: you were born to be, ALL you could be! and if there is something in your heart to do, do it!!! Take a minute, and reflect why, you aren't pursuing whats in your heart! Shed the old you, and embrace this new found you! And Beautiful Fire thats under you, prompting you to move in the direction of your LIFE'S GOALS!  


(check out the below youtube link!!!! this performance will inspire you, pay attention to what shes saying)

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("Take Time", by Ledisi!!! Please listen to the words... this performance inspired me to do, what I'm doing now!)

© 2014, Joseph D. Williams